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As you know humans are stubborn and need pressure to have a reason to change.
Pressure brings up the stuff that we have buried.
The stuff we'd rather not deal with.
Until the pressure in our life forces us to own it and deal with it.
Here's how that works:
Let's say that as child, I had many challenges which created conflicting feelings.
I haven't felt those feelings.
Until I feel them, I will carry them.
Where do they end up?
Beside me, in a pile labeled "baggage"!
Wishing you the best of days,
At times I dream about being free, but I don’t want to stop, sit down, let the cats out of my bags, and deal with all the painful, conflicting, confusing stuff.
So I keep them locked away tighter than the gold bars in Fort Knox.
But I find myself getting strung out over insignificant things.
I find my relationships keep bringing up a lot of unresolved issues.
I realize that living with fear and stress is beginning to affect my health.
I'm reluctant to own my "stuff," but I'm unhappy about their negative effects, so what I need are events that will raise the feelings that are locked away.
These are life's pressures.
And life's pressure will stir up these feelings and force me to confront what I'm running from.
Psychologists call this "transference."
It means your feelings about one thing are
onto something else.
Let's say my Father treated me with disrespect, and I've never dealt with those feelings.
When I'm older, I have a boss who treats me with disrespect and feelings of anger, frustration, depression and hopelessness, arise out of all proportion.
What do you think that's really about?
Or perhaps my beloved has just been diagnosed with a life threatening illness.
It brings up fears that are just too much to bear.
Suddenly my life feels off balance and out of control.
I've left work early to go shopping and have arrived home to hang a new picture in my lounge room.
But I can’t seem to get it to hang straight and wherever I put it just doesn't feel right.
What could that really be about?
Perhaps I felt my parents didn’t love me enough.
So there is a large deficit in my emotional bank account.
And as an adult, I run from relationship to relationship, trying to fill up the space where a parents unconditional love should be.
These are examples of "transference."
This is where our feelings about one thing are really about something else.
My feelings about a disrespectful boss, stir up my feelings about my Dad and give me the motivation to communicate this with him and hear his side of the situation.
My frustration and helplessness at not being able to get my picture to straight and in the right place, means I dissolve into a flood of emotion and finally begin to face my feelings and fears about my beloveds illness.
After rebounding from one failed relationship to another my shattered feelings drive me to therapy where I feel and heal the lack of love and approval of my parents.
This phenomenon of transference is a profound healing process.
And it constantly amazes me when, at just the right time, the right situation will appear to bring up my baggage, make me strong and set me free.
After I am done resisting them I can see that the pressures and struggles in my life are not curses, but blessings.
Blessings brought to me by a compassionate universe to help me become the person I was born to be.
To understand the "transference effect" and how our feelings about one event are "transferred" onto another, you can take a look at the Transference Tool Here.
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Copyright 2021 Fabienne Marneau DBA Destination Harmony
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