As Mother's Day approaches, my thoughts go out to all my sisters in the world, who may be
mothers or not, because women are so often the loving nurturer of their environment.
Mother’s Day is all about reminding us to show appreciation to our mothers. It is so important
to be valued, recognized, acknowledged, appreciated or loved because these are intrinsic
fundamental needs of ALL human beings, including women.
When we feel appreciated in our relationships, we feel loved and then we experience an
increased level of self-worth. For some reason the person that I was searching for approval and
recognition the most in my life was my brother.
When I was a child, my brother used to tell me to do adventurous things that we considered
dangerous. He would say: “Do it if you are a man!” and of course I would do the daring things
he suggested, like jumping from a wall, climbing a tree, catching a soccer ball in the goals or
receiving an arrow on the apple set on top of my head (that was our Robin Hood game!).
I forgot to tell you that my athletic brother is 7 years older than me. So yes, he was very
proud of me and I was as brave as any boy!
What my brother taught me is that I am equal to everybody whatever the gender and that by not
expressing fear I felt invincible and appreciated by him. I understand now that I am an adult
that earning his appreciation increased how I valued myself.
Mothers in particular do not ask anything in return for their love and care. They learn from
their own mothers to be selfless, giving, patient and generous of their time without any limit.
The down side of this education pattern is that mothers do not learn to acknowledge their value
and communicate their own needs. Such lack of open and sincere communication may be leading to
frustration and unhappiness if not corrected through self-actualization.
Mothering syndrome can also apply to men because many of them (like my own husband) can be
great nurturer's as well. So let me ask the nurturer part of your heart, how can you find
self-value without compromising your sense of duties and responsibilities?
In other words, what is the most important thing that brings joy or relaxation to your daily
life? What are your needs? What or who limits you from getting those needs fulfilled?
For example one of my clients shared that he loves going fly fishing all over the word on a
regular basis. When he is fishing surrounded by beautiful nature he is in flow, in the present
moment, with a feeling of wholeness and peace. To keep the freedom of being able to travel he
decided with the agreement of his wife not to have more children.
If you feel that your mother did not give you what you needed to be emotionally stable and
self-confident, try to understand what her challenges and difficulties might have been. What
lessons have you learned from it? Can you now with the maturity of your adulthood, understand,
forgive and finally appreciate the whole purpose behind your childhood?
How could you show to your mother, if she is still on this earth that you value, appreciate and
love her? If your mother is in heaven, how can you tell her with a symbolic gesture how much
she means to you since our souls are eternal?
I personally value, recognize and acknowledged all of you and invite you to nurture yourself
with compassion and tenderness.
PS. Please share your feelings and
by Fabienne Marneau - 05/07/2010
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